Since reading is one of my 2017 resolutions, I’m currently trying to read as many books as possible before dental school begins. Ironic isn’t it when most of us could spend hours on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook but couldn’t do the same on books? I mean, of course it is fun watching others updating their lifestyle on Instagram and reading their unspoken thoughts on Twitter, but certainly we wouldn’t have anything precious to be passed down to our future kiddos. Here’s an analogy – books stay, username/password fade. Sincerely, an avid Friendster user yearsss ago.
Reading a lot of books even a hundred of them wouldn’t do you any justice, seriously. What’s the point of reading if you’re not learning? By learning, I mean jotting down any extra knowledge or little things you discover on anything – phone’s memo, sticky notes, notebooks, any crumpled paper you find on the table. Whatever it is, you’ll remember better and can practise in life. Another one, it’s okay if you could not afford to own as much books as others, but please, do repeat reading the books that you already finished because you’ll benefit so much and you will remember those info longer. It all boils down to one thing – executing.
photo from Google
Enough babbling, here I’d like to share one amazing thing that I’ve learnt from a book I’m currently reading. Hehe it’s 7 Laws of Wealth written by Ben Benson, a speaker cum entrepreneur. I’m not going to tell you the synopsis since it’s a non-fic so Google the title for detailed insights into the content. Right now, I’ll tell you a bit about the stages of grieving that everyone would go through based on what I’ve read from the Law 1: Gain Control chapter.
stages of grieving
Whenever we got hit by major problems and couldn’t find the truest solution, our mind and heart would be hit by numerous feelings. Sometimes, we get unsure. Sometimes, we feel clueless and hopeless. Sometimes, we get angry. Depressed, too. At the same time, we know the clock is ticking but we couldn’t help but to ignore the real question and got drifted away by our emotions. And then, when we couldn’t fix the problem, we got mad and sad. And then grieving happens.
Picture from Google
So, a Swiss psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross had explained in her book about the Kubler-Ross Grief Curve which has several stages that often we pass through when facing grief or tragedy. I hate how accurate it is, considering I myself couldn’t avoid all her points. Listen, for the path that you’re now on, someone else had been there. Yeap, you’re not alone.
Stage 1 : Denial
This is where everything begins wrongly. Your mind can’t stop saying No, no…. and instead you shift the blame to somebody else. You’re denying the fact that you actually are responsible and should be responsible for your situation. Simple example, you got fired from your job and then you put the blame on your boss. You do not want your hands to get dirty so it’s always others’ faults and you’re now a victim of their immoral actions. Denying won’t do you any good because nothing ever changes in denial.
Stage 2 : Anger
Now the rage starts seeping in. Why the hell my life turns out like this? Why am I not rich/smart already? What about my efforts? Such thoughts begin to bombard your mind and you become confused on your next step. You still can’t see the clear picture of your situation which your responsibility is demanded. And you’re quite happy blaming others and surprisingly, you don’t feel good. It’s like a huge cloud of red mist is surrounding you.
Stage 3 : Bargaining
I know the feeling here. It’s like you’re beginning to realize that hey, maybe I can find some solutions and things will get fixed instantly. Ok, done.
Dumbass. You’re still not accepting full responsibility, are you? So, what you do is you try to bargain. Someone else is also accountable for this thing, not only me. That thought is not good, guys. Not helping at all. As the writer mentioned, you’re now locked into a victim mentality. Obviously, you cannot time-travel to the past and remind the old you about this situation. However, you can always pick a different reaction and wisely decide your outcome for the future as a result. Not merely choosing responsibilities.
Stage 4 : Depression
Depression – a type of mental illness that we always hear online. At this stage, you’d feel terrible for everything that happened and feel like hitting the rock bottom How hard you prayed, things are not changing according to your judgement. And no matter how much efforts have you put in, your situation doesn’t really improve. This is where you become frustrated and all those sadness and withdrawal makes you think “What’s the use of even trying?”.
Stage 5 : Acceptance
The recovery stage. Acceptance is the major key to transformation and also the beginning of a brand new life. This is where you’ll begin to acknowledge that bad things happen and you yourself need to start being more responsible than ever. In Islam, we call it redha. Quoting the writer, when you fully appreciate that you and your choices, decisions, actions, and inactions have brought you to this place, you reclaim your personal power. Everything will only change the moment you start accepting. I myself agree with this since I was so troubled when people mentioned about my situation/problems. Like others said, time heals; but for how long exactly? You shouldn’t drag your feelings way too far because it is torturing your soul quietly. Trust me, I’ve been there. And now, Alhamdulillah, I’m way over it! Woohoo. You’ll know that you’ve surpassed this stage when you don’t even shed a tear like how you always did in the past. You’ll feel a lot stronger facing the upcoming future and thinking about those old times do not hurt at all.
After accepting, you’ll have better hopes and begin to start new commitments to improve your life 🙂
I ain’t a pro in giving advices but here’s one – everyone would experience shitty stuff and only those strong ones can pull through. You decide which one you want to be, strong or weak?